Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
