Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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