I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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