I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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