You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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