Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
