Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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