He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
