At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
