I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
