someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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