My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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