Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
COCAINE IS GR8
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
