Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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