This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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