i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
