Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
