just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Terrible idea I love it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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