And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
