Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
