when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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