I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
