that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
