Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
