Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
