so that wasnt chicken after all
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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