She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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