My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
