Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
