I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
