apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
