you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
