My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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