just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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