Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
