i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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