People in love make me want to vomit
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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