Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
