I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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