HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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