don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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