she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
