After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just pee around me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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