When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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