Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
