there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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