She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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