we have officially lost it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
