New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
