I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
