After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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