Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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