we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
