You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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