Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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