You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
