on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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