Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
