the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
